"Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't work." -Calvin & Hobbes

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Point for Sal

With all of the laughs that I get from making fun of my mother, I have to give credit where credit is due. I mean, how do you think I got like this? I lived with this woman for the first 18 years of my life. Let's just say that I can't claim that my sarcasm "just came to me." 
From my past blog posts regarding the FOL-famous Sally, one can see that the woman is ridiculous. However, from every other FOL blog post, you can see that her only daughter has become ridiculous x10. Or x 1,000, it's relative, I suppose.

I have been storing boxes of crap at Sal's house for well over a year now. Yeah, yeah, whine whine whine. Whatever, I am her daughter and her only child, she signed up for annoyances such as this. Anyway, last time I was in town I noticed that she was using some of the stuff that I have been storing there. "What the heck, Sal!?" I exclaimed. "You're just going to rob me blind?"
"Well, Lindsay" she told me, "Possession is nine tenths of the law."
Well played, Mommy Dearest. Well played.

And here is where Sally really had some blackmail on me. A couple weeks ago, I had just gotten home from Sunday Family Dinner at my aunt's house. I parked my car and turned the key, but the key would not come out. For some reason beyond my understanding, the lights and the radio were still on, but the key was stuck firmly in place. What would make the most sense for me to do? Call my mother, who lives over four hours away from me, in a teary panic. 
"...I can't leave the keys in the car overnight, and the battery is going to die and I don't have the money to get my car fixed again and I'm just...so...tired and I need to get some freaking sleep!..." I sobbed.
Sal listened patiently while I whined and freaked out, and then calmly asked, "Well...did you check to make sure you turned the key all the way?"
Silence.
"....thanks Mom."