"Can't Trust a Chicken"

Spiders are all over my apartment. That's fine. Live and let live.

Snakes are freaky, but I rarely come into contact with them.

Rodents, gross. Their weird little hands and bare-skinned tails are too much for me to handle. If I ever encounter one in my place of residence, I will pack up and move.

Monkeys, however, are in my top two creepiest animals category. I don't remember much, if anything, from before the age of five, except vivid images of monkeys in my closet (I think Family Guy owes me some money for this). Before I went to sleep at night, my dad would have to come in my room and check under my bed and in my closet for these flea-ridden animals. Thank God his search always came out negative.

The second on my list is birds (are birds?). Not necessarily all birds, but quite a few. Chickens in particular. Crows, sparrows, pigeons...these all make the list as well, but chickens and roosters are at the top.

Picture me, age eighteen, at my dad's house. The kids would always refuse to take out the garbage, claiming that the rooster would attack them. "Right guys, I know you are just trying to get out of chores." Then one day as I was feeding the horses, the crazy rooster jumped out of the rafters and landed directly on my head! Screaming, I threw the chunk of hay at him, ran out of the barn, lost my shoe in the process, and took sanctuary outside. The rooster followed, with an evil look in his eyes and a thirst for blood on his beak. The dog then starts growling at the crazy rooster in attempts to save me, but the rooster in turn, tries to peck the dog. Finally, I grabbed the hose and sprayed the crap out of the creepy little bird, which scared him off long enough for me to finish feeding the horses, reclaim my shoe, and get the heck out of there, never to return (until after he was the main course one night at the Anderson house).

My new motto? "Can't trust a chicken." Because you can't. Their creepy little beaks and crazy little feet are enough to back this up. Just look at Henny Penny. She lead everyone to believe that the sky was falling, but was it really? I think not.